Des Moines Times-Advocate
IOWA CITY, September 19th
Governor Willard “Mitt” Romney’s plan to take the Republican presidential nomination with the endorsement of Ann Coulter and her plan to “invade [moslem] countries, kill their leaders, and convert them to Christianity” has hit a stumbling block. Senator John McCain upped the ante by releasing a campaign video where he sings “Bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb Iran” to the tune of the Beach Boys’ Barbara Ann. Mayor Rudolph Giuliani is stepping up by seeking the nomination on the strength of his record ensuring that non-white people could be shot in the back with impunity while reaching for their wallets.
Many here say Romney took back the initiative at a debate last night declaring Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad makes him “want to drop the F-Bomb on Iran.” When asked for a clarification about the ‘F-Bomb’ the Romney campaign spokesman explained that because of campaign policy he “can’t say it out loud but we all know what it means.”
Ron Johnson, an Iowa City area farmer seeking a doctorate in Agronomy, wondered what the ‘F-Bomb’ was. “Did he mean the H-Bomb, a high pressure tritium fusion chain reaction bomb that can destroy whole cities at once? I don’t think that’s a very good idea,” Johnson said. Johnson said he would probably be attending the Democratic caucus next January but he was undecided on whom to support.
Larry McCarthy, a drunken yahoo shooting at bottles outside a roadside bar, was more enthusiastic. “Drop the bomb on ’em all. That’ll show ’em. That’s the way to get Iran back for nine eleven.” McCarthy says he intends to attend the Republican caucus but he isn’t ready to commit to supporting Romney.